It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
