I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
