Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
