Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
