last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
