Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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