afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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