Will you blow on my dice?
oh god the rape fog is back!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
