she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
