he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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