who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
