If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
