if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
