While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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