Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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