And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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