3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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