I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
