I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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