And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
