PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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