If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize