Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My balls are so social today.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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