ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
