we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
