Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
