So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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