i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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