I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
