Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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