Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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