i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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