My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
