Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
