weddingsv make me drug and hornr
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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