Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
