I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Where is the hickey?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
