how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
