hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
