I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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