He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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