He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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