Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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