Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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