It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
