i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
