i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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