dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
And then he peed in my hair
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