About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
