Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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