Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
