So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Enjoy the penises
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
