Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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