it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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