I wanna bring you to show and tell
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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