i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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