its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
