we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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