She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
