I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
