I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
