this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
