Kiss
Puke
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
