Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
MIDGETS
????
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
