The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
