Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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