in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
