Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
