Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
well you can't waste a boner
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
as a side note pls kill me
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
