he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
