i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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