:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize